zombiehamster

2007-09-30T14:26:00.000-07:00

..again. And I fuckin' mean it this time!

2007-07-31T00:09:00.000-07:00

what can I do?
what should I do?
I'm split in two..

Something serious..

2007-07-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

..

..don't know what to say actually. My girlfriend is leaving this country we like to call Sweden. She's going to fuckin' China to teach fuckin' chines bitches fuckin' english.
It's kinda sad. I mean. Ever since I moved out she have been there with me almost every day. It will be kinda weird beeing all alone. Just me and the cat. Well well.. I think we will manage. Hopefully.

What am I suppose to feel right now? Ofcourse I'm happy for my girlfriend but I still can't stop thinking of that she actually is leaving for like three months. God damn it will be weird waking up saturday morning being all alone.

Aaw.. have to go back to work.

To M:
I truly whish you get the best time ever when you're in China. Love you girl.

2007-07-09T00:30:00.000-07:00

Hm.. for some fucking reason I couldn't add an topic to this post. THANK YOU MICROSOFT!
Yes I know, I'm at the moment using a PC with MS Windows. I'm a shame. I mean, when using a Mac everything just works! You don't really have to do anything.
For those of you who don't believe me, check this out.

Buy and use a PC!
1. You have to choose between 3 million different computers depending of what you are about to use it for. (1-3 hours)
2. When done. You have to get this enormous box home. This box is often very ugly, heavy and just useless. (1 hour)
3. Unpack the PC. (30 min)
4. Plug it in. (3-30 min)
5. BLUESCREEN!! (Yeah PC uses Windows, and Windows equals fucking bluescreen)(15 min)
6. You just remembered that you haven't even installed Windows yet. (1 min)
7. Install Windows. (3 hours)
8. Configure Windows (1 hour)
9. Install Antivirus/spyware-programme (1 hour)
10. Scan your PC for spyware/virus (3 hours)
11. Enjoy! (For about 2 days before you have to do step 5, 7, 8, 9 and10 again)

Buy and use a Mac!
1. Choose between about ten products. (30 min)
2. Carry the nice design-box home. (It has a very nice handle ontop of this box) (30min)
3. Unpack the Mac. (5 min)
4. PLug it in. (5 min)
5. Enjoy! And it just works! No Antivirus/spyware-programme!

So, which computer is the best? And don't you say: "PC! You can't play games on a Mac" THAT'S FALSE! You CAN play almost any game on a Mac.
Just because you can't play everything directly in OS X. So what? Use fucking Parallels Desktop. It couldn't be easier.
And this is why you should buy a Mac!

Okey, that was some serious shit. Let's write about something not so serious.
How about fucking ducks. I like ducks. Remember the ugly duckling who actually was a swan? He that fellow wasn't that good looking. At least not as good looking as me! I'm so good looking that even Hugh Hefner would be yellous. Not that he is good looking either but he has a lot, A LOT of girls. And he's like 75 years old. What's up with that? It's just crazy.

Well well... off I go!

To anonymous..

2007-07-03T06:32:00.000-07:00

Well okey.. this is for you who are to cowardly to write your own name when you leave a comment. I have no fuckin' idea who you are, but I wouldn't be surprised if you're one of mine fucked up friends who's just jerking around with me.

Anyway.. if you really are someone that I don't know I will now write a friendly post about YOU.. yeye.. fucktard!
Are you for real? I mean you are so pathetic that you aren't able to get your own girlfriend? You have to find someone online, threw another persons weblog? Hm.. I don't even know what to say.

Let me guess. You are about sixteen years old? Never kissed a girl? Live at home with mom and dad? Oh how cute. You probably don't even know how to brush your fucking teeths. It's just lame.

So.. to finish things up a bit. Get yourself a life. Go pick up a fine women and get laid. Wanna know why? Because here you wont be seeing any women. Not my women anyway. She's too fuckin' hot for you!

But.. just to be nice. I will post a picture of another fine lady that I think will suite you better.

Just so you know.. I have an idea about who you are. And if I'm right thats too bad.

Filthy experience in the world of abuse and soft jars with jam..

2007-06-29T01:21:00.000-07:00

Look at that topic. That cant be healthy. SOFT jars with jam! That's just crazy. I'm crazy.. I mean.. I write about all this crap. And I'm still alive!? If this was the real world and if all of us wasn't living in an artificial reality with soap opras and computerscreens, we would all be damned to the flames of hell for a long time ago!

Well okey. I have to tell you a secret. Promise to keep quiet about it. Our world as we use to call planet Earth isn't actually round. Its shaped like a round square with purple dots. (!!!) It's true! I am not shitting you! Well.. maybe just a little bit.

I really don't know how I come up with all these ideas I have. All this junk I write about. YOU FUCKING CORPULENT PIG! Oh.. sorry. That wasn't suppose to happen. It just did. I'M SORRY! OKEY?!

And oh.. I almost forgot. It was my birthday last monday! Sweet! Let's see now. My last birthday I was turning something like four. Or sixteen. I can't remember. Anyway.. Last monday I turned eightynine. I think. So now I'm allowed to buy my own beer and booze! Hell yeah!

From all that crazy crap to something a little bit more serious.
What is it? Is it a cellphone? Is it an iPod? Is it a new lame smartphone from Nokia or SonyEricsson? Or is it an elephant? NO! It's the iPhone! I don't know what to tell you about it actually. It's just amazing! It's a regular cellphone with an iPod! And the developers of this spectacular invention is Apple! The fuckin' rule! Not long ago I bought myself an MacBook, also from Apple, and I get more and more amazed by it every single day!
So.. all of you fucktards who's reading this fucked up shit. Go and buy yourself a MacBook, and when you get the chance, an iPhone! NOW!

One hour later...
Just came back from eating burgers at Corner. Then we took a quickie to the sun and back. I must say that it's kinda' hot over there. Almost like 58°C. And THAT is hot!

Well well.. this was almost a serious post. Hm.. that wasn't true. The day that I write a serious post George W. Bush will take his bicycle down to Iraq and Afghanistan and apologize to all the families whos relatives he have killed. And that don't sound so likely. Right?

Oh well.. gotta go save Robin Hood from the vicious buttplugs og pinetrees!

Work and knifes

2007-06-21T02:16:00.000-07:00

Step 1. Carv out a new shape on 380 boxes
Step 2. Put the 380 boxes in a nice pile
Step 3. Take one box at the time and glue it so it actually looks like a box.
Step fuckin' 4. Do this with threehoundred-fuckin'-eighty boxes!

Hm. That was boring to write about. Let's write about something else. Like.. paperbags, or dogs, or purple flowers with telephones! Aaw. I don't know. I'm to hungry to write about anything actually.

Okey.. On my table at the moment I have so much junk and crap I can't barely see my computer.

And my back hurts. It really does. And it's your fault! YES YOU! YOUR FUCKIN' DAMN FAULT!
That's because you are not flawless like me.. I'm the only flawless person in the universe! I am RoboCop so what did you expect?

Okey.. here's a conversation I had with Santa Claus before

ZH: Hi you fucking fuck.
Santa: Hello (like a schoolgirl)
ZH: So.. I heard you like raindeers?
Santa: Yes I do.
ZH: MWUHAHAHAH!! PUSSY!!
*BANG*
Santa: What was that?
ZH: I farted.
Santa: ...
ZH: Fucktard.
Santa: I like my little helpers.
ZH: I bet you do.
Santa: Yes.
ZH: I've seen you take them in the ass.
Santa: That's not true
ZH: Yes it is, you fucker.
Santa: Buhuu (Crying)
ZH: I've also saw when you took Rudolfs nose up your own ass. Just like a freaking butplug.
Santa: Nooooo! No one was supposed to see that!
ZH: Well I did! Mwuhaha!
Santa: Fuck
ZH: What did you say?
Santa: I said fuck.. Fuck.. FUUCK!!
ZH: WTF!?
Santa: La la la la la.. (jumping around like Pippi Longstockings)
And the ZH was still like: WTF m8!?
ZH: Santa.. don't pour gasoline all over yourself.
Santa: Weee!!
ZH: Have you gone mad?
Santa: No TV, and no beer make Santa go crasy!
ZH: PUT DOWN THE LIGHTER! You can't fuckin' put yourself on fire.
Santa: I can't?
ZH: Well.. you CAN! But it's not good for you. It will hert
Santa: Are you sure?
ZH: Yes I'm fucking sure. Now drop the lighter.
Santa: ... Hm.. ... ..
ZH: ...
Santa: I don't belive you.
ZH: Well.. suit yourself.
CHABAAAANG!

And that is the story about how Santa Claus commited suicide. Maybe he was a japanese after all?

Remotecontrol!!

2007-06-06T06:07:00.000-07:00

Check this out yo biatches! It's ma' flickr photo album. http://www.flickr.com/photos/zombiehamster/

Unfortunately it only contains one picture at the moment, but be patient my children, I will upload som more when I fell like it. Probably a couple more pics just after I finished this post.

From one thing to another..
At the moment I'm sitting here next to my hairy friend Bo. And yes he is hairy.. he's so hairy you can't even tell if he's only a fuzzy ball or actually a human being. It's hard to tell.

And yes.. I almost forgot.. Evul has resurrected from the dead! If you scroll down a bit you can see that he's picture has returned. No one knows where he's been all this time. Maybe he was hiding like the coward he is. Maybe he was kidnapped by the evil pineapples. No one knows. Not me anyway.. but I heard someone was talking about him. Apperantly he has sworn to avenge his death.

Okey, back to the rabbithunt.

DEAD

2007-06-01T12:08:00.001-07:00

Evul or Uvel is now officially dead. DEAD DEAD DEAD!!! Fuckin' dead I sayd. Or is he? Maybe he's just sold his soul to the devil? Or maybe a cucumber.. who knows really? All I know is that I don't know anything really. Not a thing. I mean.. I now SOMETHING but I'm not going to tell you exactly what I know. It's a secret. Well.. almost a secret anyway.

Okey, back to the "Dead-part".
As written above. Evul is dead. Yesterday when I was checking my weblog for comments Evul's picture has just dissapeared into nowhere. Somewhere into cyberspace, or is it just hiding in a rusty shed in Amsterdam? Maybe the picture has been kidnapped by some evil being of pineapples. Yes you read right. Pineapple. Pineapples are evil beings. I mean.. they taste fucking disgusting, they look kinda' weird, and smell creepy. You see? With all these facts you just have to agree with me that pineapples are evil beings.

Well well.. now I think I have to be a bit social with the furry cosmopolitan-ists who is sitting here next to me in my pink sofa. But actually it's not very pink. Only pink dots. Actually there aren't even pink dots on it. Only blue squares on the back of the sofa. Actually there are not even squares on it. Well the sofa is shaped as a square. Almost anyway.. aaw..

GET OUT'A MY HEAD YOU FUCKERS!

I have something in my head..

Up, up, up, and awaaaaay!!!!!

A little something about my so called friends

2007-05-17T05:58:00.000-07:00

MARTIN

Okey.. the pretty guy you are looking at above is probably a friend of mine, or it could be a palmtree. I'm not sure.
Anyway.. I think he was baptised to Martin somewhere in the beginning of time. Someone told me he is about 20-143 years old. It's hard to tell from that picture.
He's biggest fan is me ofcourse because I have dots all over my left ear. Martin has no friends actually.. he's only friend is me. But I'm not actually he's friend. I just pretend to be, so I can dominate the world in my little glasscup.
Well.. okey.. he has one more friend. But it's not a real friend. It's his imaginary friend. And he is called.. EVUL!

TOMMY

And this creature as seen above originate from the hells flame of penguins. He is not as mean and creepy as he looks. He is actually kind'a nice. (Nice but)
Yeye.. this furry little fellow's name is Tommy, I think. But everyone is calling him Evul, or Uvel. I will not tell you where the name Evul comes from, but I can tell you this. It has something to do with, that he wouldn't let some other dude put the tube in!

Well well.. that's it for now. Maybe if you're nice I will write something about someone else another time. BUT NO PICTURES! MWUAHHAHA!! COCONUTS!!!

Ugly penguin!

Request

2007-05-11T15:53:00.000-07:00

As a request from my girlfriend I will now post a picture of myself.
And before all you fuckers start to whine that you can't see how good looking I am (I know) just think about this for a second.
Do you really think that me, THE zombiehamster, THE most ultimate power ranger of 'em all, just can reveal my true identity? No.. didn't think so. I mean.. what if my greatest enemies would find out who I really was? I would be dead before a chicken could eat a camels left leg. So.. BEWARE OF THE CHICKEN!!

Harry the hamster

2007-05-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

This cute and furry little thing as seen below is known as Harry the hamster.
Beware of this creature from the most vicious corners of the earth. He will slice you up like a sallad and eat you as a tomato on crack!
Gotta love him. Right?

Flowers

2007-05-08T13:36:00.000-07:00

Okey. Hm. AAAAAAAHH!!
I will now spend a couple of minutes of my precious time and write something nice about flowers.
The truth is that i hate flowers. I mean.. i don't HATE flowers, but I can't really think of the point of having them, except for creating oxygen. But who needs oxygen? Not me anyway.. I'm the most elite Power Ranger of 'em all! And Power Rangers don't need oxygen. We only breathe the fumes from toxic waste and mushroom-clouds.

Okey, back to the flowers.. NO PLEASE! NO MORE FLOWERS! Aaaahh! GETOST!

I must be truly fucked up. Oh seriously I'm to tired to write anything more now. Need sleep.. Zzzmmmm.. uh? WHAT!? Don't wake me up you fucking cucumber with mushroomsoup.

This is me, the ultimate Power Ranger!

My weblog has been hacked..

2007-05-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

As the topic says, my weblog has been hacked. (By my girlfriend)
So.. the prewiev post is not, I repeat, NOT, made by me, The Zombiehamster.
It's just a bunch of crap so don't read it.. I don't have the energy right now to erase it so just don't mind to read it.
Shouldn't be that hard, right? RIGHT!?

...fucker.

Over and out from Moscow Prison, Deathrow.

Prank

2007-05-01T03:51:00.000-07:00

I'm gay! And you know it..
Me shaking mah bootay all night long.
I'm a gay pornoman with gay friends.

Haaaaya!

MEATBALLS..

2007-04-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

..and macaroni..

..and milk..

..and ketchup..

..and snuff for dessert..!

This is usually where the catchy end use to be. But since I'm to tired there won't be one this time.. JUST KIDDIN'

I NEED TEEPEE FOR MY BUNGHOLE!!
ARE YOU THREATNING THE MIGHTY BUNGHOLE?!
I HAVE NO BUNGHOLE!!

That was the so called catchy end..

My first serious..

2007-04-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

Rushing through thirty
Getting older every day.. by two
Drawing pictures of innocent times
Can you add color inside these lines

I want you to lead me
Take me somewhere
Don't want to live
In a dream.. one more day

Sure, if we change my perspective
I'm certain I will change today
I'm certain it will change our ways
When things fall into place

Take me somewhere
Don't want to live
In a dream.. one more day

Well.. as the topic says. This is my first "serious" post in my weblog.
The text as seen above is the lyrics from In Flames song Come Clarity. I truly do like this song. I mean.. In Flames rock!
I saw them in Linköping (Sweden) a couple of months ago, and it rocked.
That's it for now. Have to get some food. Fast. I'm starving here.

I have a cat in my lap. The cat has it's paw on my touchpad, so the cursor is not very easy to handle at this point.

Well, well.. COWABUNGAA!!

Some pics of crap, and gerbils

2007-04-18T07:09:00.000-07:00

Well.. that's my tattoo. It's on my forearm and says "Life is peachy", which means something like Life is.. wonderful, great, fantastic and so on. Yeah, you got the picture.. right?

Okey, the right hand picture is a so called zombiehamster. (You can read about the zombiehamsters origin in my previews post).
It's kinda' cute, don't you think?

Well, screw this for now. I have to go and nail a stuffed hamster over my stowe. Hell yeah!

OH MY GOD!!!!111!!1!1oneoneonee!!!111!11

2007-04-16T05:16:00.000-07:00

OMG LOL ROFL N00BH4XXORZ FFS!!

I am a nerd. I like to play computergames. I.. aaw fuck it.

My arm is itching like threehundred zombiehamsters are chewing on it.. but It's really fourhundred zombiehamsters.

Let's take a couple of minutes and spend on zombiehamsters.
This is THE story about zombiehamsters:

Once upon a time there was a regular hamster named Ove. When Ove was about to go to the top of the Hell-mountain he found a bag. This bag sucked so he threw it away. But when he finally, after about 312 years reached the top he found a dead man. (The mans name was Ove2)
The only problem was.. HE WASN'T DEAD!!! OMG!!!11!!1!11.. damn. And back to the story..

Ove2 was bleeding from the eyes, ears, mouth and ass. When Ove asked him what happened he said.. ZOOOOOMBIEES!!! Ove laughed and kicked him in the stomac and ate the rest of him.

Ove was now wondering around on the top of the mountain. He was mad as hell because Ove2 was small and skinny so there weren't much food on him.

The years went past and Ove got older and older.. the year were now 1998, and when Ove first reached the top it was 1999, so Ove had been there for about 66 years. Ove is now thirteen years old.

Ove became sick and tired of just wondering around on the mountain so he climed back down. When he finally after 10 seconds got down (he jumped) he saw a man, just walking around in circles. Ove asked him what was wrong..and before Ove could react this man (Ove3) bit him in the lip. Ove was like.. WTF M8!?
Ove3 just ran away laughing and Ove was still like WTF M8!?

After an hour or so Ove was turned.. TO THE DARK SIDE!!! MWUHHAHA!! ZOMBIE!!

Ove was now like.. fuck.

THE END!

Well..

2007-04-11T12:38:00.000-07:00

I like to fuck around. Well, not _fuck_ around. Like one boy and one girl fuck. I mean.. just like playin' around and do stupid fucking things. Like.. say fuck as many times as possible when I write my weblog in english, when I should write it in like
old-fashion Hebrew or german, or maybe even in Swedish (I'm from Sweden). FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKERS!!

This feels so pointless, I don't know why I do it actually. Maybe I like to write meaningless stuff in german. But it's not in german.. it's in swedish.. SWEDISH!! FUCKING SWEDISH I SAYD! No, just fucking with you.. It is in english, believe it or not.

Well.. today I've been eating a sandwich with liver pâté*. But it wasn't with liver pâté*, it was nerdbutter*. I like nerdbutter*. And I like to write stars after pointless "hard-to-understand" words.

And today I finally got my first tatoo. It's nice. It says "Life is peachy" on my forearm. It rules.

I will now write som crap in swedish:
Hej, jag tycker om messmör. Messmör är gott. Speciellt på smörgås. Som en gås med smör på. SmörGÅS! Fattar du? Mwuhah! Nej seriöst.. jag suger.. och lagge har gömt sig. Han svarar inte på Skype längre. Jag gillar Skype.. men ibland inte.

Translation from english to swedish:
1* liver pâté = leverpastej
2* nerdbutter = messmör

JAG HAR EN KATT!!!

Sweet..

2007-04-10T06:02:00.000-07:00

I finally got my thumb out of my ass and created this weblog.

Hm.. I really have no clue what to write about. My cat maybe.
Well.. I have a cat. He's name is Frans.. or Frasse.. or Fräjsche.. or Frasse Bus.. or Katten.. or Kattisen.. aaw fuck it. Let's just say he has a lot of names. Actually he has so many names that I can't remember what we named him in the beginning. Pineapple maybe..

Okey, let's skip the cat for a second.
My name is.. .. damn. I just remembered.. I have a lots of names to. But if I can remember it right i was named and baptised to Karl in my early days.. now I have a couple of more names. There is my nickname in "the real world"; Kalle, and ofcourse I have a nickname in "the fake world" (online) wich is toad.

Why toad then? Well, lets keep it easy. When I let my hair grow out, after a while it gets so big that my head looks like a mushroom. And I hope you fuckers remember Toad? You know, the small mushroom-guy in almost all of the Super Mario games. And since I look like a mushroom, and he is a mushroom, my nickname online is toad.

Maybe I will post a picture of either me or my cat in the future.. but not now. I need a smoke..quick.. now.. OH MY GOD I'M FUCKIN' DYING HERE! GIVE ME A SMOKE FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! Nah, just kidding.. I'm not dying.. I'm alive.. you see? I'm right here..

Well that's it for now.. maybe, just maybe, I will write something more later..
Up, up, up and awaaaay.. from the sofa.